1. |
Mountain Mystery (Intro)
01:09
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BURPH: WHAT'S THAT SMELL? OH ITS KINDA FAMILIAR! IS THAT GARLIC? OHHHHH!
BUNGLEBERRY: DID YOU SAY GARLIC? THAT'S WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE ALRIGHT!
VOICE ON THE RADIO: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF.... GARLIC FEET?
BURPH: DID HE JUST SAY.. GARLIC FEET?
*DUNDUNDUN*
BUNGLEBERRY: OH I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF GARLIC FEET BURPH!
BURPH: A VOICE JUST CAME ON THE RADIO ASKING IF WE'VE EVER HEARD OF A CREATURE CALLED GARLIC FEET!
BUNGLEBERRY: WE GOTTA GET UP IN THAT TREE! WE GOTTA GET 5 OR 6 OF US TOGETHER AND GET UP IN THAT TREE!
BURPH: GO BACK TO HEADQUARTERS AND GET ALL OUR GEAR TOGETHER. THERE'S A MYSTERY IN THESE MOUNTAINS AND WE'RE GONNA SOLVE IT!
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2. |
Burph & Bungleberry
05:41
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BURPH WAS BORN IN A SWAMP
AMONGST THE FILTH AND THE FLIES!
FROM A VERY EARLY AGE
YOU COULD SEE IN HIS EYES
THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING MORE
SOMETHING SPECIAL AND TRUE!
WHEN YOU LIVE IN DESOLATION
THERE'S NOT MUCH ELSE TO DO!
SO HE PICKED UP A CAMERA
AND GRABBED HIS PAL BUNGLEBERRY
WHO WAS ANOTHER SWAMP DWELLER
HE WAS REALLY QUITE HAIRY!
THE TWO WERE AVID FOLLOWERS
OF LOCAL URBAN LEGENDS
THEY COULD SWEAR THEY SAW SOMETHING ONCE
IF ONLY FOR A SECOND!
BUT THAT'S ALL IT TOOK TO CONVINCE THEM TO TRY
TO HUNT FOR THE BEASTS THEY'VE HEARD ABOUT ALL THEIR LIVES!
THEY DIDN'T DO GOOD IN SCHOOL
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE DUMB!
MONSTER HUNTING IS SERIOUS BUSINESS
AND TO THEM, THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES
THAT CAN SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF THE SWAMP THEY DWELL IN
THEY START WALKING AROUND, NOSE POINTED UP AND SMELLIN'
BURPH SAID TO BUNGLEBERRY
"THE STENCH IS DISTINCT"
WHICH WAS KIND OF IRONIC
AS THEY HAD NEVER SEEN A SINK!
THE HUNT HAS BEGUN
THE CAMERAS ARE CHARGED
WAIT, WHAT'S THAT IN THE DISTANCE?
IT SOUNDS QUITE LARGE!
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3. |
Roach Fingers
04:44
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A PUFF OF SMOKE FLIES OUT
FROM BEHIND THE RUSTLING BUSHES
A DANK STENCH ENVELOPS THE AIR
A GIANT SHRIEK, A ROAR, A BELLOWING HOWL!
TWO BIG RED BLOODSHOT EYES LIKE SOME KIND OF WEIRDO OWL!
THE CREATURE WAS SMALL, NOT VERY BIG AT ALL!
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY WERE THE FIRST HUMANS TO HEAR ITS CALL
SUDDENLY THE PAIR OF BUNGOLOGISTS
NOTICED THE FINGERS OF THE MYSTICAL BEAST!
TINY ROACHES OF THE DANKEST BUD
IT TRULY WAS A SMELLY NOSTRIL FEAST!
THE CREATURE EXTENDED ITS ARMS HIGH UP IN THE AIR
AS IF IT WERE ABOUT TO POUNCE!
BUT IT JUST PUFFED OUT A CLOUD OF SMOKE
BURPH FELT LIKE HE HAD SMOKED AN OUNCE!
BUNGLEBERRY WAS TRAPPED UNDER THE SPELL OF THE BEAST!
HE WENT BACK TO HIS TRUCK AGAINST HIS WILL AND GRABBED A CD!
IT WAS SOME HIPPIE BULLSHIT JAM BAND GARBAGE, THE WORST STUFF IN EXISTENCE!
ROACH FINGERS MADE THEM PLAY IT THROUGH 100,000 LISTENS!
BLOOD WAS COMING FROM THEIR EARS
THE CREATURE HAD MADE THAT MUCH CLEAR
BUT THEY KNEW WHAT TO DO NOW
AFTER STUDYING ROACH FINGERS FOR SO MANY YEARS
THE FELLAS STARTED PLAYING SLAYER
YES, FUCKING SLAYER!
AT EAR PIERCING VOLUMES
LAYER AFTER LAYER
THE BEAST'S SKIN PEELED AWAY
ROACHES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR
DOPE SMOKE EXPLODING
WITH CHUNKS OF BURNING HAIR
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY HAD WON AND SEALED THE CREATURE'S FATE
BUT WHAT'S THAT NOISE IN THE DISTANCE? MORE CREEPY CREATURES AWAIT!
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4. |
Bageltooth
05:27
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BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY TRIPPED DOWN A HILL
THEY STARTED ROLLING SO FAST AND BECAME VERY ILL
THEY ROLLED AND ROLLED FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS
THEY SMASHED THROUGH TREES AND ROCKS WITH UNCANNY POWER
FINALLY THEY STOPPED ROLLING
AT THE FOOT OF A CREEK
THEY CUPPED THEIR DIRTY HANDS
AND TOOK A MIGHTY DRINK
JUST THEN, OUT OF THE CORNER OF BURPH'S ONE GOOD EYE
HE SAW A SHADOW BEHIND A TREE AND STARTED TO WONDER WHY
THE AIR SMELLED LIKE A BAKERY
BUT HOW? OUT HERE IN THE WOODS?
THE TWO STARTED DROOLING
HOPING THEY'D FIND BAKED GOODS
BUT INSTEAD, THEY FOUND ANOTHER CREATURE
GRINNING WITH THE BIGGEST TEETH
BAGEL REMNANTS STUCK BETWEEN
AND LUMPY RED BOOTY CHEEKS
BURPH BARFED EVERYWHERE FROM THE GROSSNESS HE HAD SMELLED
BUNGLEBERRY WEPT LIKE HE HAD BEEN DRAGGED DOWN INTO HELL
BURPH REACHED INTO HIS FANNY PACK
AND PULLED OUT A TOOTHBRUSH
STRUGGLING TO OVERCOME THE SMELL
HE STUCK IT IN THE CREATURES MOUTH
AND STARTED BRUSHING! BRUSHING! BRUSHING!
BAGELTOOTH'S POWER HAD BEEN ZAPPED
HIS TEETH SHINE CLEAN ONCE AGAIN!
SUDDENLY HE CRUMBLED INTO DUST!
THAT WAS BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY'S PLAN!
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5. |
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BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY
STROLLED INTO TOWN
ASKING EVERYONE
IF THEY'VE HEARD A SOUND
THEY SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW
FOR A WITNESS TO SPEAK
AND CAME ACROSS A MAN
FISHING IN A CREEK
HE TOLD THEM TO LOOK
CLOSER TO HOME
THAT'S WHEN BUNGLEBERRY
PICKED UP HIS PHONE
SOMEONE ANSWERED
AND STARTED TO SPEAK
THEY SAID "I SEE YOU'VE MET MY FRIEND
FISHING IN THE CREEK"
"THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK ARE DEEP IN THE WOODS
NOW GO QUICKLY! I HOPE YOU DO GOOD!"
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY
SEEMED WEIRDLY EXCITED
BUT THE MAN WITH THE FISHING ROD
SEEMED QUITE FRIGHTENED
DOES HE KNOW SOMETHING
THAT HE DIDN'T TELL THE BOYS?
DID HE HEAR THE CREATURE'S NOISE?
ONE THING'S FOR SURE
THEY'RE GETTING CLOSE
TO UNCOVERING THE MYSTERY
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6. |
Garlic Feet
05:37
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THERE WAS ONE CREATURE LEFT
THE MOST MYSTERIOUS OF ALL!
LEGEND SAYS IT WEARS BLUE JEANS
AND STANDS AT LEAST 10 FEET TALL!
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY STROKED THEIR CHINS
AND THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT TO DO
THEY DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A PLAN
OTHER THAN TO PUT THE CREATURES IN A ZOO
SUDDENLY THEY STARTED TO CRY
A FLOOD OF FLOWING TEARS STREAMED FROM THEIR EYES!
THEY REALIZED QUICK THAT IT WAS THE SMELL OF GARLIC
AND UNWASHED FEET THAT WAS MAKING THEM SICK!
THIS COULD ONLY MEAN ONE THING
THE LEGEND WAS TRUE
THERE STOOD GARLIC FEET IN FRONT OF THEM
ITS JEANS WERE DEFINITELY BLUE!
GARLIC FEET CHARGED AT THEM
SNARLING AND LEAKING A PUTRID STENCH
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY CHARGED RIGHT BACK
WHILE SWINGING A HAMMER AND WRENCH!
THE VIOLENCE WAS UNBEARABLE
BLOOD SPRAYING IN EVERY DIRECTION
IT WAS THEN THAT THEY NOTICED
GARLIC FEET'S MIGHTY ERECTION
FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE
IT HUNG DOWN TO ITS KNEES
FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE
IT HUNG DOWN TO ITS KNEES
BURPH LANDED A HIT
RIGHT ON THE TIP
WITH HIS WRENCH SO TRUE!
GARLIC FEET SHRIEKED IN PAIN
AS WOULD BE COMMON TO DO!
GARLIC FEET WHIMPERED AS IT LAY ON THE GROUND
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY BEGIN DANCING AROUND!
"NOW WE CAN OPEN OUR ZOO"
THEY SAY WITH A GRIN
"25 DOLLARS TO SEE THE MONSTER'S COCK, YES COME RIGHT IN!"
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7. |
You Be The Judge
05:38
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AFTER ALL WAS SAID AND DONE
AND THE CREATURES ROUNDED UP
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY
CLIMBED BACK INTO THEIR TRUCK
THEY ARRIVED AT THEIR HEADQUARTERS
AND CRACKED OPEN A COLD BEER
TO CELEBRATE THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS
THEY HAD BEEN WORKING TOWARDS FOR YEARS
BUNGLEBERRY STEPPED OUTSIDE
TO TAKE A PEEK AT THE BEASTS SO DEAR
BUT ONCE HE LOOKED UNDER THE BLANKET
HE REALIZED THEY HAD DISAPPEARED!
NO SIGN OF THEM AT ALL
THEY WERE GONE, WITHOUT A TRACE!
BUNGLEBERRY TURNED WHITE AS A GHOST
AS ALL THE BLOOD HAD LEFT HIS FACE!
HE STUMBLED BACK IN TO TELL BURPH THE NEWS
COULD YOU BELIEVE IT? BURPH WAS GONE TOO!
BUNGLEBERRY'S WORLD HAD COME CRASHING IN
HE HALLUCINATED THE WHOLE THING FROM INSIDE THE LOONEY BIN!
MAYBE THEY'LL CURE HIM IN HIS NEXT THERAPY SESSION!
BUNGOLOGIST IS NOT EVEN A REAL PROFESSION!
AS THE DOOR LOCKS BEHIND
HE SINKS BACK INTO HIS MIND
TO FIGHT THE MAGIC BEASTS
ONE FINAL TIME!
DID IT REALLY HAPPEN? OR WAS IT ALL A DREAM?
YOU BE THE JUDGE OF THIS MYSTERY!
THE END!
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Prosthetic Bung Toronto, Ontario
noise punk / improv quartet
est. MMXXIII
contact / booking:
prostheticbung@gmail.com
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