Cryptobungology: The Hunt For Garlic Feet

by Prosthetic Bung

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1.	Mountain Mystery (Intro) 01:09	lyrics
BURPH: WHAT'S THAT SMELL? OH ITS KINDA FAMILIAR! IS THAT GARLIC? OHHHHH! BUNGLEBERRY: DID YOU SAY GARLIC? THAT'S WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE ALRIGHT! VOICE ON THE RADIO: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF.... GARLIC FEET? BURPH: DID HE JUST SAY.. GARLIC FEET? DUNDUNDUN BUNGLEBERRY: OH I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF GARLIC FEET BURPH! BURPH: A VOICE JUST CAME ON THE RADIO ASKING IF WE'VE EVER HEARD OF A CREATURE CALLED GARLIC FEET! BUNGLEBERRY: WE GOTTA GET UP IN THAT TREE! WE GOTTA GET 5 OR 6 OF US TOGETHER AND GET UP IN THAT TREE! BURPH: GO BACK TO HEADQUARTERS AND GET ALL OUR GEAR TOGETHER. THERE'S A MYSTERY IN THESE MOUNTAINS AND WE'RE GONNA SOLVE IT!
2.	Burph & Bungleberry 05:41	lyrics
BURPH WAS BORN IN A SWAMP AMONGST THE FILTH AND THE FLIES! FROM A VERY EARLY AGE YOU COULD SEE IN HIS EYES THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING MORE SOMETHING SPECIAL AND TRUE! WHEN YOU LIVE IN DESOLATION THERE'S NOT MUCH ELSE TO DO! SO HE PICKED UP A CAMERA AND GRABBED HIS PAL BUNGLEBERRY WHO WAS ANOTHER SWAMP DWELLER HE WAS REALLY QUITE HAIRY! THE TWO WERE AVID FOLLOWERS OF LOCAL URBAN LEGENDS THEY COULD SWEAR THEY SAW SOMETHING ONCE IF ONLY FOR A SECOND! BUT THAT'S ALL IT TOOK TO CONVINCE THEM TO TRY TO HUNT FOR THE BEASTS THEY'VE HEARD ABOUT ALL THEIR LIVES! THEY DIDN'T DO GOOD IN SCHOOL BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE DUMB! MONSTER HUNTING IS SERIOUS BUSINESS AND TO THEM, THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF THE SWAMP THEY DWELL IN THEY START WALKING AROUND, NOSE POINTED UP AND SMELLIN' BURPH SAID TO BUNGLEBERRY "THE STENCH IS DISTINCT" WHICH WAS KIND OF IRONIC AS THEY HAD NEVER SEEN A SINK! THE HUNT HAS BEGUN THE CAMERAS ARE CHARGED WAIT, WHAT'S THAT IN THE DISTANCE? IT SOUNDS QUITE LARGE!
3.	Roach Fingers 04:44	lyrics
A PUFF OF SMOKE FLIES OUT FROM BEHIND THE RUSTLING BUSHES A DANK STENCH ENVELOPS THE AIR A GIANT SHRIEK, A ROAR, A BELLOWING HOWL! TWO BIG RED BLOODSHOT EYES LIKE SOME KIND OF WEIRDO OWL! THE CREATURE WAS SMALL, NOT VERY BIG AT ALL! BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY WERE THE FIRST HUMANS TO HEAR ITS CALL SUDDENLY THE PAIR OF BUNGOLOGISTS NOTICED THE FINGERS OF THE MYSTICAL BEAST! TINY ROACHES OF THE DANKEST BUD IT TRULY WAS A SMELLY NOSTRIL FEAST! THE CREATURE EXTENDED ITS ARMS HIGH UP IN THE AIR AS IF IT WERE ABOUT TO POUNCE! BUT IT JUST PUFFED OUT A CLOUD OF SMOKE BURPH FELT LIKE HE HAD SMOKED AN OUNCE! BUNGLEBERRY WAS TRAPPED UNDER THE SPELL OF THE BEAST! HE WENT BACK TO HIS TRUCK AGAINST HIS WILL AND GRABBED A CD! IT WAS SOME HIPPIE BULLSHIT JAM BAND GARBAGE, THE WORST STUFF IN EXISTENCE! ROACH FINGERS MADE THEM PLAY IT THROUGH 100,000 LISTENS! BLOOD WAS COMING FROM THEIR EARS THE CREATURE HAD MADE THAT MUCH CLEAR BUT THEY KNEW WHAT TO DO NOW AFTER STUDYING ROACH FINGERS FOR SO MANY YEARS THE FELLAS STARTED PLAYING SLAYER YES, FUCKING SLAYER! AT EAR PIERCING VOLUMES LAYER AFTER LAYER THE BEAST'S SKIN PEELED AWAY ROACHES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR DOPE SMOKE EXPLODING WITH CHUNKS OF BURNING HAIR BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY HAD WON AND SEALED THE CREATURE'S FATE BUT WHAT'S THAT NOISE IN THE DISTANCE? MORE CREEPY CREATURES AWAIT!
4.	Bageltooth 05:27	lyrics
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY TRIPPED DOWN A HILL THEY STARTED ROLLING SO FAST AND BECAME VERY ILL THEY ROLLED AND ROLLED FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS THEY SMASHED THROUGH TREES AND ROCKS WITH UNCANNY POWER FINALLY THEY STOPPED ROLLING AT THE FOOT OF A CREEK THEY CUPPED THEIR DIRTY HANDS AND TOOK A MIGHTY DRINK JUST THEN, OUT OF THE CORNER OF BURPH'S ONE GOOD EYE HE SAW A SHADOW BEHIND A TREE AND STARTED TO WONDER WHY THE AIR SMELLED LIKE A BAKERY BUT HOW? OUT HERE IN THE WOODS? THE TWO STARTED DROOLING HOPING THEY'D FIND BAKED GOODS BUT INSTEAD, THEY FOUND ANOTHER CREATURE GRINNING WITH THE BIGGEST TEETH BAGEL REMNANTS STUCK BETWEEN AND LUMPY RED BOOTY CHEEKS BURPH BARFED EVERYWHERE FROM THE GROSSNESS HE HAD SMELLED BUNGLEBERRY WEPT LIKE HE HAD BEEN DRAGGED DOWN INTO HELL BURPH REACHED INTO HIS FANNY PACK AND PULLED OUT A TOOTHBRUSH STRUGGLING TO OVERCOME THE SMELL HE STUCK IT IN THE CREATURES MOUTH AND STARTED BRUSHING! BRUSHING! BRUSHING! BAGELTOOTH'S POWER HAD BEEN ZAPPED HIS TEETH SHINE CLEAN ONCE AGAIN! SUDDENLY HE CRUMBLED INTO DUST! THAT WAS BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY'S PLAN!
5.	The Bungologist's Final Ditty (Interlude) 01:25	lyrics
BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY STROLLED INTO TOWN ASKING EVERYONE IF THEY'VE HEARD A SOUND THEY SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW FOR A WITNESS TO SPEAK AND CAME ACROSS A MAN FISHING IN A CREEK HE TOLD THEM TO LOOK CLOSER TO HOME THAT'S WHEN BUNGLEBERRY PICKED UP HIS PHONE SOMEONE ANSWERED AND STARTED TO SPEAK THEY SAID "I SEE YOU'VE MET MY FRIEND FISHING IN THE CREEK" "THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK ARE DEEP IN THE WOODS NOW GO QUICKLY! I HOPE YOU DO GOOD!" BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY SEEMED WEIRDLY EXCITED BUT THE MAN WITH THE FISHING ROD SEEMED QUITE FRIGHTENED DOES HE KNOW SOMETHING THAT HE DIDN'T TELL THE BOYS? DID HE HEAR THE CREATURE'S NOISE? ONE THING'S FOR SURE THEY'RE GETTING CLOSE TO UNCOVERING THE MYSTERY
6.	Garlic Feet 05:37	lyrics
THERE WAS ONE CREATURE LEFT THE MOST MYSTERIOUS OF ALL! LEGEND SAYS IT WEARS BLUE JEANS AND STANDS AT LEAST 10 FEET TALL! BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY STROKED THEIR CHINS AND THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT TO DO THEY DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A PLAN OTHER THAN TO PUT THE CREATURES IN A ZOO SUDDENLY THEY STARTED TO CRY A FLOOD OF FLOWING TEARS STREAMED FROM THEIR EYES! THEY REALIZED QUICK THAT IT WAS THE SMELL OF GARLIC AND UNWASHED FEET THAT WAS MAKING THEM SICK! THIS COULD ONLY MEAN ONE THING THE LEGEND WAS TRUE THERE STOOD GARLIC FEET IN FRONT OF THEM ITS JEANS WERE DEFINITELY BLUE! GARLIC FEET CHARGED AT THEM SNARLING AND LEAKING A PUTRID STENCH BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY CHARGED RIGHT BACK WHILE SWINGING A HAMMER AND WRENCH! THE VIOLENCE WAS UNBEARABLE BLOOD SPRAYING IN EVERY DIRECTION IT WAS THEN THAT THEY NOTICED GARLIC FEET'S MIGHTY ERECTION FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE IT HUNG DOWN TO ITS KNEES FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE IT HUNG DOWN TO ITS KNEES BURPH LANDED A HIT RIGHT ON THE TIP WITH HIS WRENCH SO TRUE! GARLIC FEET SHRIEKED IN PAIN AS WOULD BE COMMON TO DO! GARLIC FEET WHIMPERED AS IT LAY ON THE GROUND BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY BEGIN DANCING AROUND! "NOW WE CAN OPEN OUR ZOO" THEY SAY WITH A GRIN "25 DOLLARS TO SEE THE MONSTER'S COCK, YES COME RIGHT IN!"
7.	You Be The Judge 05:38	lyrics
AFTER ALL WAS SAID AND DONE AND THE CREATURES ROUNDED UP BURPH AND BUNGLEBERRY CLIMBED BACK INTO THEIR TRUCK THEY ARRIVED AT THEIR HEADQUARTERS AND CRACKED OPEN A COLD BEER TO CELEBRATE THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS THEY HAD BEEN WORKING TOWARDS FOR YEARS BUNGLEBERRY STEPPED OUTSIDE TO TAKE A PEEK AT THE BEASTS SO DEAR BUT ONCE HE LOOKED UNDER THE BLANKET HE REALIZED THEY HAD DISAPPEARED! NO SIGN OF THEM AT ALL THEY WERE GONE, WITHOUT A TRACE! BUNGLEBERRY TURNED WHITE AS A GHOST AS ALL THE BLOOD HAD LEFT HIS FACE! HE STUMBLED BACK IN TO TELL BURPH THE NEWS COULD YOU BELIEVE IT? BURPH WAS GONE TOO! BUNGLEBERRY'S WORLD HAD COME CRASHING IN HE HALLUCINATED THE WHOLE THING FROM INSIDE THE LOONEY BIN! MAYBE THEY'LL CURE HIM IN HIS NEXT THERAPY SESSION! BUNGOLOGIST IS NOT EVEN A REAL PROFESSION! AS THE DOOR LOCKS BEHIND HE SINKS BACK INTO HIS MIND TO FIGHT THE MAGIC BEASTS ONE FINAL TIME! DID IT REALLY HAPPEN? OR WAS IT ALL A DREAM? YOU BE THE JUDGE OF THIS MYSTERY! THE END!

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Bung Jazz from the bayou

STEFF - LEAD/RHYTHM GUITAR, LAP STEEL, MS-20, MONOTRON, ELECTRIC KAZOO, MEGAPHONE, LEAD VOCALS

ZACH - DRUMS, PERCUSSION, 6-STRING FRETLESS BASS, 5-STRING BANJO, 12-STRING ACOUSTIC GUITAR, PIANO, VOCALS, LYRICS